The new way to work
Developing healthy workplace relationships was hard enough before the pandemic changed the way many of us work. With more remote work, less commuting and less work travel, how will we foster friendships at work?
Shasta Nelson knows how. She is a friendship expert who has written three books on the topic after realizing more than a decade ago that people needed help in this area. She helps clients as an organizational consultant and points to research that continues to reveal the majority of people are struggling to forge friendships deeper than a dinner plate.
In her latest book, The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of Our Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time, Shasta takes everything she’s learned in researching and coaching and presents it through the lens of the workplace. Research has long showed that employees who have a best friend at work are more engaged, less likely to leave, have fewer accidents, call in sick less, and feel more proud of their employer. Our work is the place where adults most commonly find friends, which is a significant factor to living a fulfilled and meaningful life.
“It’s been great to see the recognition of how loneliness is permeating our lives. It’s not just the fluffy, nice-to-have thing,” Shasta says. “It’s the No.1 thing for our happiness by far. It’s the biggest influence on our health besides maybe sleep. It’s big.”
While the new world of work has required us to learn the skills of video calls and advanced digital communication, relationships and collaboration still matter most. Through the process of researching and writing my book, I learned over and over again that the key to unlocking fulfillment at work is relationships and basic human interaction.
Shasta reports that we replace half our close friends every seven years so we should get plenty of practice. Drawing on extensive social science research she found three non-negotiable requirements of a relationship and used them to build the Frientimacy Triangle. Like a formula, a healthy relationship must practice all three: Positivity (positive emotions), Consistency (reliable interactions and shared experiences), and Vulnerability (mutual sharing).
“The dearth of positive emotions (at work)—it’s so sad,” Shasta says. “In my opinion, it’s one of the easiest ones to actually lift up.”
In a remote working world it’s even more important. Shasta defines positivity as the desire to leave people feeling something positive and is something we can give to everyone. You don’t have to be a manager or the leader of the video call or the meeting. Every interaction is a chance to spread more positivity around your world. For starters:
Show warmth: Eye contact and a smile can make a big impact on others.
Show appreciation: Thank a colleague for helping with a project, or offer a compliment for something. (This is even more important when you’re feeling stressed or distracted.)
Show empathy: If someone shares good news, cheer them on. If they share frustrations, groan with them a little.
Appreciation and validation are what’s most missing in the workplace, Shasta says. And everyone has the ability to make a difference. In our new era of remote working, it has become even more vital.
- This is an excerpt from The Butterfly Impact, a new book on creating work-life balance through small, meaningful actions.